I've Had a Continuous Migraine Since 2013: This is How I Keep Going

Danielle Newport Fancher has lived with non-stop migraine pain for over a decade. Today, Danielle shares her journey as her own "survival coach" for an intractable migraine that never went away.

Imagine your worst possible pain. Now imagine that pain concentrated in the back of your head — a sensation of constant stabbing with a sharp blade. Imagine the nerve behind your eyes fiercely pulling your eye sockets backwards. Add on the soreness that follows a blow to the face paired with disorientation and a blanket of constant exhaustion weighing heavily on your body.

Now imagine that feeling lasting for a whole hour. Imagine having to get through that pain lasting an entire week without letting up for even a second. And then one month. One year. Two years. Three years. Four years.

That's my reality. I've had an intractable migraine (a treatment-resistant migraine lasting longer than 72 hours), without a moment's break, since 2013 — more than four years. It's hard to accept that it's been this long, but it's true. I try not to think about how long the migraine pain has lasted or, indeed, how long it may last.

But here's the unbelievable part: I am in continuous pain and still feel lucky to be me.

I'm lucky because I have a great coach: me

Whether you live with pain or not, I wouldn't blame you for wondering if I'm lying. You might think I'm exaggerating or tricking myself somehow. And a year ago, I would have agreed with your thinking.

But today, I can honestly say that I feel lucky to have gone through this unique, invisible, and incredibly misunderstood illness.

Why am I lucky? Because I've learned how to coach myself through situations that have kept my life "going" when intractable migraine tried to stop me. I’ve had no choice but to push through, even when I feel broken.

I've coached myself into attending dinner dates with friends when my nausea is extreme. I've coached myself through giving presentations when the migraine pain was so intense I could barely stand.

I've coached myself through trips when it felt impossible to get on the plane. And I've coached myself through countless moments of desperation.

Although I've had to adjust some of my goals, my constant coaching has helped get me to a place where I'm confident and comfortable with my career and relationships with friends and family. I feel challenged and fulfilled in my self-development while enduring constant pain.

Don't get me wrong, I desperately need a break from my pain; it's unbearable. Whenever I blow out candles on my birthday, find a penny on the street or a fallen eyelash on my cheek, I wish my migraine away. Often, I beg it to disappear:

Please stop. Please give me a break, just an hour off.

While waiting for this wish to come true, I've figured out how to live the life I want, despite migraine pain.

Being my own "migraine survival coach”

I attribute much of my success — my ability to live in the moment, pursue my goals, maintain strong relationships and enjoy my life (instead of "getting through" it) — to my constant self-coaching tactics.

When I started my battle with pain, the people I often turned to for guidance had no idea how to help me. No one could answer my questions, like:

"How do I get out of bed this morning?"

"How do I get through the pain all day?"

"How do I get through the next 15 minutes?"

"How do I stay optimistic when migraine treatments don't work? When nothing breaks this migraine pain for days? Months? Years?"

Unfortunately, I've had to navigate most of this migraine battle alone, without a guide or mentor who has experienced a situation like mine.

My "coaching" may sound curious, but these self-taught mantras are tools that I lean on every single day. I'm sure you're wondering, what could she possibly tell herself? I'm glad you asked.

My migraine mantras

Although many of my mantras have evolved as I've changed and my migraine has changed, some remain constant. Here are some examples of mantras and phrases that help keep me going:

When I wake up every morning:

You can do this. You can get through this pain - you've got through days of pain before. You can do it again.

When I'm in too much pain to move, but I can't miss the event:

You will remember the feeling of being there, not the pain. (Sometimes, this is impossible, but I will drag myself there if there's a chance I can push through migraine pain.)

When I feel my anger and frustration toward my migraine coming to the surface:

Let yourself feel the anger. It will pass.

When I feel like I am having a singular battle:

Talk to a friend with migraines. Immediately.

When someone starts a sentence with, "Have you tried…":

Keep an open mind.

When someone says, "There has to be an answer":

Inhale. Exhale. They don't understand how this hurts you. It's not their intention.

When I feel like "me":

Take advantage of this moment. You are lucky.

Does this work 100 per cent of the time? No. Sometimes I break down. I can't bring myself to stay positive and coach myself through the pain. And that's okay.

Even so, I've found myself leaning on these mantras more and more over time.

For example, this past weekend, my migraine pain was unbearable. I hid in the bathroom, on the floor, sobbing and struggling to breathe full breaths. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin because of my overwhelming pain. But I coached myself:

"This is just a reminder of how well you're doing the rest of the time. This feels impossible, but you can get through the pain."

I wouldn't have had that mindset a few years ago.

Surviving constant pain is learned, not taught

The hard part is that it doesn't get any easier. I can distract myself from the pain, but it's an uphill struggle and often feels impossible. No one ever teaches you how to survive pain.

For me, uncovering these self-coaching techniques has been invaluable. The supportive words help me keep going, and they help me live the life I want.

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Date of preparation: August 2023
D: COB-GB-NP-00182 (V1.0) / T: COB-GB-NP-00222 (V1.0) / M: COB-GB-NP-00202 (V1.0)